


When in Wales..

by Jadesfire



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-29
Updated: 2010-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-08 10:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadesfire/pseuds/Jadesfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people just can't be bothered to make the effort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When in Wales..

**Author's Note:**

> It will probably help if you know that the Welsh for 'slow' is _araf_.

  
Tosh sounded as fed-up as Jack felt.

"I'm sorry, guys," she said, voice only slightly distorted by Jack's earpiece. "It's moved again."

Even from three hundred yards away and with one ear, Jack could hear Owen swearing. For once, he sympathised. Lifting a hand, he opened the channel. "Yeah, Owen, I know. Tosh, where are we going now?"

"Not far from last time. It's moving north again."

"We're on it."

That, Jack decided as they set off again, was something of a literal truth. Most of what they were was tired, wet, hungry and cold, but yes, they were still on the case. They'd been chasing this thing for hours, trying to get a decent signal lock on it, without much success.

Ahead of them, he saw Owen turn off the muddy footpath they'd been tramping along, making for the gate in the corner of the field. Jack nudged Ianto.

"Looks like he's spotted something."

"If it's another tin can, he can ride home on the roof rack." Ianto lifted his eyes from the scanner for a moment, glancing over. "But he's heading in roughly the right direction. For once."

"Come on, then." It was a bit of a struggle to not sink into the boggy ground, and they'd already had to haul Owen out of a particularly sticky patch. Both Jack and Ianto mostly kept their eyes down, occasionally bumping shoulders as Ianto checked the scanner again and lost his footing on the clumps of turned earth.

"It's more or less stopped now," he announced, holding the screen out for Jack to see. There was water running down Jack's neck from the constant drizzle and he had to wipe some drops from the scanner to see it properly. Tosh, safe and snug in the SUV a few miles away, was feeding them updates as they went. She should have been out with them, but Ianto had volunteered to swap with her, just this once, and Jack had made Gwen stay behind too. None of them had good memories of the countryside, and he didn't want anyone on their own for too long. He had hoped that this nice, simple, search-and-retrieve might help them put some of the nightmares behind them. At this rate, they were all going to be dreaming about drowning instead.

Pulling his attention back to the scanner, he shrugged. "Let's hope it stays still for a while. Much more of this and I'm going to be taking most of Anglesey back to the Hub on my boots."

It wasn't until they were much closer that Jack heard the voices. Of course, when Owen was involved, there tended to be a slightly higher decibel rating than usual, but this time, at least he was the only doing the shouting.

"Stupid bumpkin!" That was Owen. Of course. Resisting the urge to sigh, Jack tried to hurry up, just catching the end of the reply, from someone out of sight on the other side of the fence.

"…ac oleia dwi i ddim yn edrych fel rhyw lygodan fawr a aeth yn styc mewn peiriant golchi."

Suppressing a smirk, Jack drew level with Owen just in time to hear the reply to the rapid Welsh. Beside him, Ianto's half-whisper was muffled by Owen's obscenities.

"Where did you learn Welsh?"

"There was this girl in Aberystwyth," Jack murmured back. "Cutest accent I ever heard. Even better than yours, and you're adorable when you swear."

Ianto's face went an interesting shade of red. "You understood that?"

"Every time. And just so you know, I would, but it's physically impossible." He sighed before finally turning his attention back to Owen and the farmer, who still seemed to be exchanging insults. "More's the pity."

"Wsti, gadwodd lob y pentra' dros i fis yn ôl, dim probs fan'no. Yn anffodus, ma' dy gymwystera'n ormod."

This time, Jack heard Ianto turn his muffled laugh into a cough, loud enough for Owen to hear.

"Glad you could join us," he said, glaring at Ianto. "Maybe you can get some sense out of him."

"You know what they say," Jack put in, winking at Ianto. "Garbage in…"

"I'll see what I can do." Pushing past Owen and nearly knocking him over (probably not by accident), Ianto went over to the gate, speaking in Welsh to the man leaning against it.

"Mae flin gyda fi. Dyn ni wedi anghofio ei fedication. Esbonia' i."

As the two of them talked, Jack turned to Owen. "Just give it a rest, okay? It was bad enough when you asked for directions. I honestly thought you were trying to get us lynched."

"It's not my fault that they make their place names so stupid, is it?" Owen retorted, lifting his chin. "Let's hear you pronounce it."

Jack had actually opened his mouth to reply when Ianto cut across him.

"Jack? I think I know what we're after."

Twenty minutes later, the scanner was beeping happily as the three of them stood around the object of their search.

"What now?" Owen asked, looking from Jack to Ianto and back again. Ianto was studiously not looking at either of them.

"It's definitely the source," he said, pressing something on the scanner. "Or rather, the source is definitely here."

"Right here?" Jack asked. "It's not just, you know, standing on it or something?"

"I'm afraid not. At least it explains why it's been wandering around so much. And why it was so hard to get a lock in the first place." Looking up at last, Ianto's expression was one of barely concealed glee. "Someone's going to have to go find it."

"You are not looking at me." Owen took a step backwards, waving his arms. "No way."

Apparently disturbed by the movement, the sheep chose that moment to let out a particularly loud bleat.

"He doesn't sound thrilled about it either," Jack noted dryly.

"Anyway," Owen went on, "do I look like a vet? What the hell am I meant to do? Operate on it?"

Ianto gave Owen his special look, the one he usually reserved for Jack when he asked if Ianto knew where something was in the archive. "You can if you want, but there's a much easier way." When the others both turned to him, he shrugged. "What goes in must come out."

There was silence for a moment, broken only by the sound of the sheep tearing up grass and chewing noisily. Somehow, with superhuman effort, Jack kept a straight face, forcing himself not to look at Owen's reddening cheeks and Ianto's unconvincing innocent look.

"It's a fair point," he said at last, when he was sure he could speak without cracking up. "I mean, the sheep must have swallowed it. Which means eventually it's going to-"

"Yeah, we get the idea." Scowling, Owen kicked at the grass. "But I don't see why it has to be me."

"You earned it," Jack said, glancing at Ianto. "What with yelling 'there's a good-looking one, Ianto' at all the sheep we passed."

"I want to know how he can identify a good looking sheep," Ianto muttered, before adding in a more normal voice, "Then there was the way you deliberately mispronounced the name of the village."

Owen gestured wildly at Jack. "It's not just me! Have you heard him say the damn name? Or Tosh?"

"Tosh doesn't go 'arf arf' and do a seal impression every time we drive past a 'slow' sign." Ianto turned amused eyes on Jack, daring him to try. "Although he's got a point."

Jack pushed wet hair off his forehead. "I don't really see why I should have to prove anything, to either of you. In case you'd forgotten, I'm the one in charge. Owen, stay here. We're heading back to the SUV to try and work out what we do with the thing once we've got it. And maybe drive down to the village to get a drink. Do not lose this sheep or any of its products, is that clear?" Collecting Ianto with a glance, Jack began to trudge back across the field. As they went, he called back over his shoulder, "If you need us, we're in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Just ask for directions."

The shouted reply was lost to the driving rain.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> "…ac oleia dwi i ddim yn edrych fel rhyw lygodan fawr a aeth yn styc mewn peiriant olchi."  
> "...and at least I don't look like a rat who got stuck in the washing machine."
> 
> "Wsti, gadwodd lob y pentra' dros i fis yn ôl, dim probs fan'no. Yn anffodus, ma' dy gymwystera'n ormod."  
> "You know, our village idiot left over a month ago, so yes, the post is open. Unfortunately, I think you're overqualified."
> 
> "Mae flin gyda fi. Dyn ni wedi anghofio ei fedication. Esbonia' i."  
> "Sorry about that. We forgot to bring his medication. Let me explain."


End file.
